This post isn’t to further distance myself from the subject matter brushed up against in my last post, but if you want to take it that way, more power to you. This post is in response to a solid fucking week of dealing with the most incompetent, self-righteous, moronic FUCKS known to man… the staff and administration of GCU.
Yeah – that’s right… I said their fucking name… Grand Canyon University. Come at me, bitches. If you try to kick me out of your overpriced online “college”, I will sue you so far into the ground, there won’t be a college left – just a FUCKING CRATER!! Do you understand me, you hypocritical fucks?!?
Look, I know Christians don’t account for the entirety of hypocritical or even annoying assholes out there, but they are by and large the most consistently made up of them. I have a feeling it has to do with that period of time after their “salvation afterglow” wears off and they realize life is exactly the fucking same as it was before – except now they have an invisible man in space to answer to! Well, that’s got to suck balls for them, but at least they get to lord over you the fact that because they are “saved”, then you are worse than they are… which is never the case.
At least WE aren’t annoying FUCKS constantly waving our faith in front of your faces – as if believing in some bearded carpenter or some asshole deity from the Bronze Age makes you less of a jack-off! I mean, yeah, the opposite faith (Evolution) is equally annoying (considering it isn’t science) when lazy Atheist apologists who won’t accept one bearded carpenter’s teachings are A-OK accepting the wholesale teachings of another bearded man who died before the first gasoline-powered American cars were ever built!
After dealing with these imbecilic drones for a whole week (who always take each other’s sides), I could understand how some people would become Atheists out of spite!
“So, you’ve got monkey men, self-defeating logic, and cop-out, millions of years windows… but I don’t have to deal with any more of these pious cunts? All right, sign me up.”
You guys – my readers – know me by now. I don’t suffer fools. And the more stubbornly foolish they are, the more it enrages me.
These assholes at GCU will charge you $2,345.00 (Which, if not for student loans, I’d not be paying.) to take a mandatory INTRODUCTORY COURSE to their fucking college (which is basically two months of bullshit to learn about their software and policies – that I had down in the first DAY). What kind of rich, suburban housewife has that kind of money to blow on an UNNECESSARY GODDAMN COURSE?!?
They’ll also be sure to tell you – as an online student, mind you – of all the wonderful things they have on the college campus that you’ll never see. Jackasses.
And it’s not even the only bullshit course you’ll have to take, either! They also mandate that you take a course on the “Christian world view” for another month and a half (Oh yeah – their courses run one at a fucking time so you can get used to how much fucking time you’ll be wasting!) just so they can make sure that you agree with their asinine Christian bullshit before they actually give you any credits worth a damn!
To top it all off, this shitty course that I’ve been taking since August (I’ll explain WHY later, for those of you screaming that at the screen right now.) is led by an “instructor” that’s a Doctoral candidate (THERE, of course!) in Education, and yet doesn’t know the difference between “their” and “there”…
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…and “you’re” and “your”.
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And he’s a fucking DOCTORAL CANDIDATE for EDUCATION, in case you missed that part. Look, Christians, I try to defend the point of view that there might be a Creator up there, and that that makes more logical sense than the lazy faith of Evolution, but when you guys turn out “educators” like THIS dumb fuck, you are REALLY making it difficult for me to plead a case that is similar to yours. So cut that shit out, asswipes!!
All that aside, this is the piece of shit that’s supposed to be the Emperor’s instructor. You can see I would have problems dealing with such an obvious moron.
This asshole has the gall to grade this classroom half-full of losers as if they need to be following some college English class level format for assignments. (Yeah… I’ll get on that right after you do, dipshit.) Then, he has nearly an entire goddamn class have to do a resubmit on some bullshit-“Find the stuff on our GCU website! Tee hee!”-worksheet because he wanted it submitted in a format that wasn’t listed in the instructions (or anywhere else, for that matter)!
That alone had me pissed, because I don’t like people that assume they can waste either my time or my money – both of which are in short supply. And he was indeed wasting them BOTH.
THEN, he takes off points for me pointing out a redundant question (instead of mindlessly copying it from a previous answer – again, because it irks me to have to waste my own time) on the worksheet (along with where it had already been answered, by the way), and then again for me following the exact instructions of another worksheet question that asks you to FIND something (Which, incidentally, we’d already found DAYS BEFOREHAND on a separate assignment – talk about your short-term memory loss!) instead of LIST it (like this idiot wanted). I wrote that I had found it. Simple. That question was correct.
So once I point out these glaring logical lapses to this charlatan, does he say (like he should have): “Oh, I’m sorry. Yeah, you’re right – the first question is redundant and the last one is poorly worded! I’ll submit that worksheet to the appropriate department for revision! Here are your points back – sorry to have wasted your time.”? NO, of course not! If there’s anything Christians SUCK ABSOLUTE ASSHOLE at, it’s admitting when they are obviously WRONG.
His response was basically, “Nope. You were wrong. Resubmit it.”
NOW, I was incensed… infuriated… LIVID. The one thing worse than a stupid idiot asshole is a dismissive stupid idiot asshole.
And to put the cherry on this shit sundae, I went – merely for a supportive “Yeah, dude – that’s pretty fucked up.” – to the one guy from the college that had been halfway-decent with me… a retired Air Force guy (really should have been my first *ASSHOLE ALARM!* clue) who (before my phone minutes ran out) I’d spent an inordinate amount of my time talking to and establishing a rapport with. He seemed to be cool with cussing, anti-censorship and all that, but it was just a facade. More fucking bullshit hypocrisy.
I forgot that the Christian “one-rule” with each other is pretty damn similar to the Beta guy’s “one-rule” with the woman (whose ass he’s currently kissing) – “Stick by them unfailingly… even when they’re obviously wrong.”
He tried the “calm down” tactics when I still felt comfortable enough to be honest and forthright with him, and then when I backed him into a corner of where he’d have to agree with either me or the MORON instructor? You guessed it… he picked the latter.
And I did what any other self-respecting genius would do when confronted by an immovable mass of stupidity… I said, “Seriously? Fuck you!” to the fucking traitor. To which, he predictably replied (like any corporate drone) by sending me a copy of the policy book which says we’re not to cuss (as if he hadn’t earned it!)… basically threatening me with expulsion from this asshole college of GCU if I didn’t play nicely.
And here’s the part you’ve been waiting for… WHY I have heretofore put up with all of this shit. The choice was just bad luck, as it turns out. They were only one of two online colleges that offered a major in “English Literature” (vice just “English”), and they worked out to actually be cheaper per credit. (I know – college is ridiculously expensive these days!) If I had a time machine that only went back a month, I’d obviously pick the OTHER one, as no amount of savings is worth putting up with THIS shit!
It seemed like fortuitous timing, as I’d be able to get into college quickly and have some much-needed money for rent when my federal loans overage check came in time for October’s rent! All I had to do was make a last-second deal with my landlord, and then hope that the few dollars I had would be enough to feed me until then.
Perhaps you can see why I am currently a bit cranky. Penury does not sit well with me.
So, to sum this whole thing up: FUCK CHRISTIANS and (whatever you do) DON’T ATTEND GRAND CANYON UNIVERSITY!! It’s full of corporate Christian assholes… which are the worst kind.
And you know what? I’d welcome them kicking me out at this point! Because guess what? If they do, I WILL sue their fucking hypocritical, holier-than-thou asses into the fucking Bronze Age!!
But hey, GCU, look on the bright side… at least then your faith would make sense.
(Try me, bitches – I already know I’m smarter than you, and if you kicked me out, I’d have nothing on my hands but time and a shit-ton of virulent, revenge-based motivation!) >:)
